Heart in Hand
by KonekoKat
Summary: I wonder if there's truly such a thing as star-crossed lovers, or if it's just an overly romanticized term we believe in to cope with the cards we are dealt in life. I never considered questions like this until I met you. Now it's like I can't seem to stop asking them. Like, why's it that no matter how much I grasp at straws, I always end up with a handful of pins instead?
1. Chapter 1

**_"The fate of love is that it always_** **_seems too little or_ too _much." -Amelia Barr_**

"Kakashi-"

"Reira-"

His eyes tore away from mine when we spoke over one another. Kakashi was leaning against the wall of his newly acquired office. His attention was focused to the view outside the window. I stood opposite of him, with my back to the locked door a few steps behind me.

My resolution wavered with each second I stood in his presence. I wanted this to be as amicable as possible. A quick and clean break was decidedly the easiest approach.

"Kakashi," I repeated. "There's no point in dragging this out any longer."

My voice was a little softer than usual, but it filled the small space between us. I heard him sigh in response, and my heart began to ache for the both of us. I almost wanted to throw away all my inhibitions again, to close the distance between us and seek out the familiar warmth of his body against mine. Almost.

I cleared my throat, swallowing the words I so badly wanted to say. "Please," I began, clenching my teeth to hide the waver in voice.

Kakashi whirled around. "Please what, Reira?" His eyes were steeled over, his shoulders stiff with agitation. "Please just agree to whatever you're saying? Is that what you want me to do?"

"We both know-"

"No." Kakashi shook his head. "I can't believe you're suggesting we throw away the time we've spent together. You want us to just forget our history after all this time?"

I tried to smile. The edges of my mouth burned, and it felt like my body was chastising me for lying through my body language. This was the last thing I could do for Kakashi now, and I knew it would only benefit him in the end. He just refused to acknowledge it. And I was cursed with the task of forcing him to see it.

"You're the Hokage, now. I can't stand in the way of your duties to the village. I'm going to be a bias in every situation you may find yourself in. I'll be seen as one of your weaknesses."

"Reira," Kakashi lamented, "I already told you-"

"And I'm telling you now, Kakashi," I interrupted, making sure that my cerulean colored eyes penetrated the black abysses of his. "I can't do this."

Although I could tell that his lips were partially opened under his mask, he stayed silent. I hoped that it was finally sinking in. Acting against my heart, I let my cynical side take over, biting back the pleas of my true self to stop while I was ahead. I reminded myself I'd have to drown her later.

"Really, Kakashi. It's annoying," I drawled, putting a hand on my hip. "I'm trying to be nice about this because of the time you wasted with me, but I'm not interested in playing madame or mistress or whatever you call it to the Hokage. I'm not willing to sacrifice the prime of my life to cater to the lifestyle you chose. Do you realize how selfish you're being by insisting that I do?"

He looked away from me. I knew him well enough by the inverted creases above his brows that I hit a nerve. "I didn't think of the situation like that," he said quietly.

 _I'm sorry Kakashi, I wordlessly pleaded._

I rolled my eyes. "Of course you didn't. And I'm not going to wait around for you to figure it out, either. Let's stop and end this, okay?"

"Reira, please-" Kakashi suddenly reached towards me, closing the space between us. His hands grabbed for my shoulders, and I reflexively slapped them down.

 _I'm so sorry._

"Don't touch me."

He pulled away as if he'd touched fire.

His eyes searched mine bewilderingly, hoping to find evidence of a flaw in my story.

"Do you really feel that way, Reira?" He defeatedly asked.

 _No._

"Yes."

I turned towards the door quickly, in fear that my face would betray me. "It's over."

"Wait, Reira-"

"Hokage-sama!"

A knock on the door broke through our conversation, and I was grateful for the interruption. It left us frozen with my back towards him, and his fingers wrapped around my arm. I paused for a moment, my fingertips hovering a millimeter away from the door. Even if it was for just a second, I subconsciously hoped he'd tell whoever it was to come back later, to go away so he could be with me a little longer.

"Hokage-sama!" The voice repeated, "It's official business!"

And just like that, I felt Kakashi's fingers slowly uncurl, leaving a trail of goosebumps along my skin as he released me from his grip.

"That's my que. See you around. Goodluck, _Hokage-sama_."

I unlocked the door and pushed my way past the familiar face of his advisor in one smooth motion. I continued along the corridor hallways, forcing myself to stand tall. I felt the pressure of oncoming moisture behind my eyes, but the tears never came. I half expected to hear the weight of his feet hitting the wooden floors, running back to me, to tell me to stop being so stubborn, and to come back to him. But eventually I reached the exit of his newly acquired quarters, and he never came, and I have to be okay with that.

This was the last thing I could do for Kakashi. Even though my words were empty lies meant to intentionally deceive him, they were also meant to convince myself that I was able to speak some truth into them. It would benefit him in the end, and that's all that mattered.

I can't be selfish anymore. After all the blood and tears that were shed after the last Shinobi War, after all the fallen comrades, after we finally achieved peace, he can't possibly just be mine. He belongs to the village now. And for his sake, I have to be okay with it.

Even though it means sacrificing myself, and my feelings, and giving up the love we struggled so much to find. I must be okay with it.

I know he'll be okay. Even if I won't be, his work will keep him busy, and now that he's free of all personal obligations, he'll be a great leader to Konoha. This is what my loss will bring. And I'm okay with this.

So, with heart in hand, I'll open up the spaces between my fingers and let the pieces fall.

Why, you ask?

Because that's what love is.

* * *

 ** _Author's Note:_**

 _Hello there, and welcome to my new story, Heart in Hand! I'm excited for everyone that chooses to follow along with me as I develop the story between Kakashi and Reira! I already have an outline for the story, so please bear with me as I'll be updating about 1-2 times a week. Reviews are always appreciated and if you'd like to leave a critique, please do! Thanks so much for reading the prologue, and stay tuned for chapter 2, as we go back to the beginning where it all started._

 _Until then~_

 _-Neko_


	2. Chapter 2

" _ **Because we cannot accept the truth of transience, we suffer." - Shunryu Suzuki**_

 _ **~16 years ago~**_

It was always that damned Scarecrow.

I wiped away the crusted blood from the corners of my mouth, its coppery taste still lingering on my tongue. My lower back ached from the impact of my body hitting the ground, but I chose to ignore it. I was too annoyed that Hatake Kakashi was standing over me, two fingers cordially extended to me in the typical shinobi etiquette whenever a spar ended. It was even more of a courtesy for the victor to offer it first to the losing opponent.

And that loser opponent was me, Yukino Reira.

"Spar, set. Match goes to Hatake Kakashi. Lock fingers, both of you," a nameless proctor called out.

I gritted my teeth, glaring up at the bane of my existence. Kakashi's eyes were as impassive as ever, his lower face hidden beneath that stupid mask he insisted on wearing. This was the fourth time I'd lost to this jerk, and each time I had to touch fingertips with him, my disdain for him grew that much more. So far, I was still stuck right behind him as number two. Or the first loser as he liked to call it.

"Are you going to make me wait any longer?" Kakashi asked, lazily grinning under that mask of his. "I'm getting sort of tired."

I rolled my eyes, and picked myself up from the ground. "Shut up, Scarecrow."

I hastily brushed my fingers against his, and started for the exit.

"Yukino Reira!" The procter shouted at me, "Get back here and do it properly! How many times do I have to tell you-"

"Sensei," I interrupted, not bothering to turn back around. "Sorry. I'll do it correctly next time. I need to go study now."

"You said that last time, you insolent girl! Your father will be hearing about this-"

I crossed the threshold to the dojo's exit, letting the no-name teacher's ramblings fade out into silence. I wasn't trying to be so brazenly disrespectful, but that stupid Hatake tested my patience like no other nowadays. Every little thing he did pissed me off. Mostly because no matter how hard I studied or how hard I trained, I couldn't get out of second place. I was always coming up short compared to him. And I hated it. So I hated him, too.

Finally out of sight and back at the academy, I made my way straight to the library. Aside from it all, I seriously did need to study. The preliminary exams for Anbu Black-Ops were coming up in a few weeks, and I refused to accept anything but a perfect score. Coincidentally, I heard that Kakashi was also going to try out as well, and of course that only added fuel for the fire of determination I had burning in me. I would succeed and one day beat the straw out of the lanky Scarecrow. I had to succeed.

"Yo, Reira."

I glanced back to see Shiranui Genma turn the corner, heading my way.

"Whoa, why's your face all scrunched up? It makes you look ugly."

"And the best feature about you is that straw you're chewing," I replied smoothly.

He laughed, and all the tension in my body was released. I could always count on Gen to say something and make me forget all about the anger Kakashi elicited from me. He was my closest friend, after all.

I smiled back cheekily, and in response he gently pinched my face as he'd always done. "There's my Reira," he chuckled. "much better. Still ugly, though."

I punched his arm jokingly. That was my Gen. And That was just the way we were.

"Cut it out, Gen. I need to focus. I'll catch you later."

Still, I felt his presence follow me into the library. I wasn't really surprised that he kept near me when I gathered my materials from the shelves and took a seat beside me at the study tables. "I'm being serious," I warned, opening one of my books.

"But Reira," he whined. "It's already a given that you're gonna pass. It won't be long before I never see you againnnnn."

"Stop being so dramatic. It's not like we're getting younger. It's bound to happen that we'll get on with our careers."

I flipped a page.

"But still, we're only fourteen."

"About to be fifteen," I corrected, not bothering to look up.

"But still-"

I sighed, glancing up from a particularly interesting paragraph about charka expulsion.

"You know how my father is, Gen."

He twisted the twine in his mouth, audibly grinding the straw between his teeth.

"Yeah," he grunted. "I know."

"Then you understand why I'm trying so hard."

He looked away from me then.

"Besides," I tugged on a strand of hair right below his bandana-like hitai-ate. "How much time we do or don't spend together doesn't dictate the strength of our friendship, right?"

"That's not exactly the point I'm trying to make, Reira."

"Then what is it?" I asked.

He faced me suddenly, and my blue eyes met the warmth of his chocolate ones. He was close enough that I was able to see the small splatter of freckles across the bridge of his nose. I'd been close to Gen several times before, but the concentration in his gaze changed the atmosphere. He reached forward and cupped my face in one of his hands. They were warm, just like his irises. "Reira," He murmured, and moved closer.

My face involuntarily flushed, and I pulled out of his grasp.

"Well?" I mumbled, finding myself half-embarrassed. "What is it?"

Gen also looked away, moving back to his original spot.

"I was gonna tell you to do something about that ugly look on your face," he said. It was something he would usually say, but it somehow sounded only half-hearted. He smiled, but it felt forced.

"Yeah, I know," I said awkwardly.

And then there was silence between us.

I didn't know what else to do, so I just went back to my book. It stayed like that between us for a few minutes, and I couldn't pay attention at all. But before I could say anything about it, Gen was the one to break the silence.

"So," he cleared his throat, standing up. "I guess I'll leave you to your studies, huh?"

I nodded. "Yeah."

"I'll catch you later then."

I watched him leave out of the corner of my eye. When he was out of sight, I let out an audible breath. I wanted to wonder what just happened between us, and why it felt so uncomfortable in that moment, but I couldn't. I needed to make sure I memorized the book in front of me, word for word. I was positive I'd be quizzed on it when I got home.

 _Forcibly expelling chakra outside of the normal travel channels in the body requires a multitask of concentration and action on the wielder's part. Although there are no known hand signs to assist with this practice, it is common for the user to combine this technique with a ninjustu of their own._

Just when I finished copying down the last portion of the chapter, I caught a figure approaching my direction. I didn't bother to pick-up the chakra signature, or even look up. I assumed it was Genma again.

I thought that this would be a chance to clear up any awkwardness leftover from the last time, so when he made his way to the front of the table, I rattled off with something we'd normally joke around with.

"Why don't you take a picture? It'll last longer," I said, pointing the pencil to my face as a matter-of-factly.

"No thanks." A sickly cheerful voice answered me, and immediately I regretted not looking up prior to opening my mouth. It was a voice I dreaded hearing every single time.

Sure enough, when I lifted my head up, it was none other than Hatake Kakashi standing in front of me.

"What do you want, Scarecrow?"

"I don't want anything from you, Yukino-san," Kakashi replied platonically. "I'm just here to tell you Sensei is looking for you."

I snorted. "And why would I care about that?"

"Because it's Yukino-Hiroki sensei."

I dropped the pencil I'd been holding.

 _Shit._

There Kakashi went with that infuriating smile of his.

"Your father wants me to take you to see him."

* * *

I walked quietly behind Hatake, which was an extreme rarity to see. I couldn't say anything at this point, and it irritated me that my father took it upon himself to ask my rival to bring me to him.

My father and I had never had a fond family relationship. My mother was killed in action when I was young, and ever since my father has been relentless in my training to one day become the Top Anbu Black-Ops kunoichi in Konoha. Forget about the father/daughter relationship; the only thing him and I had to tie us as relatives were the sapphire hue in our eyes.

We made our way to the third floor corridor, to the door with my family name etched on the wooden plaque next to it. My Otou-san's deep voice bellowed to us enter before either of us could knock.

"Thank you, Kakashi-san. I apologize if my daughter caused any trouble on the way here."

I rolled my eyes. I guess it would be an appropriate time to mention that my father praised Kakashi, which is I guess just another reason on my list of Why I Hate Hatake.

"Not any more trouble than she usually is."

"Excuse me?" I turned my head sharply.

He merely peered at me from his peripheral vision, flashing an idle smile. "You didn't hear me?"

I clenched my fists, the urge to lunge at him growing with each second that passed.

"Reira." Otou-san interjected sternly. "Is that how you talk to your classmate?"

And now I was being scolded by my father in front of the Scarecrow.

I remained indignantly silent. Like hell I'd give either of them the benefit of embarrassing me.

"Fine," my father conceded. "You stubborn girl." He gestured towards Kakashi. "This is why you've failed to surpass him. You lack control of your emotions. And you go off whimsically playing nonsense with that punk kid, Shiranui Genma."

My finger nails dug painfully into my palms, but it was all I could do without making a scene. "That's irrelevant. What did you want to see me for?"

"Ah, I'm glad you mentioned that," Otou-san smiled placidly.

My stomach sunk. I knew that look too well to know that it usually didn't come with the delivery of good news.

"I heard from Okuyama-sensei that you lost to Kakashi-san yet again. How many times does this make? Four?"

What a tattle-tale of a teacher.

"So for the benefit of both of you, I'd like for you to start receiving supplementary lessons from Kakashi-san."

Just damn it all, and send me to hell.

"It would be in the interests of you both to cooperate with this proposal. For you, Kakashi-san, it would be another accomplishment that I can personally vouch for on your application for the Black-Ops. And with your training, Reira, you will have a higher chance of passing the exams."

"And hopefully," he added, "You can curb my daughter's attitude problem."

"So you're basically saying that I wouldn't have a chance of passing the exams otherwise?" I asked heatedly.

"Tsk, you need to learn that those fleeting sentiments of yours will one day cause you to suffer."

"I don't mind," Kakashi included randomly.

I stared bewilderingly at him. "Are you kidding me?"

"I don't think it's a bad idea, actually," he said nonchalantly. "You seem to have developed this grudge against me. It's a little annoying, so I'd like for you to know I don't particularly care about your personal endeavors. After all, we might one day be teammates. If you manage to pass your preliminary exams, I don't want to be on a team with such a weak link."

"I refuse. I completely object to this idea," I said, shaking my head, choosing to ignore the insult altogether.

"Actually Reira, you don't have a say in this," Otou-san interrupted. "You will study under Kakashi-san."

I could feel my cheeks continue to grow hotter with anger. I'd long exceeded my boiling point, so if I couldn't say anything about this, I'd do the next best thing.

I tossed my dark hair behind my shoulders, turned around, and walked right out of that office.

I could hear the screech of a chair slide against the flooring. I could also hear my Otou-san shouting, demanding my return. But just like everything else in my life, I ignored it.

And if Yukino-sensei ordered that I stay under that damned Scarecrow's guidance, I'd ignore that too.

* * *

However, that was proving to be harder than expected. I'd sensed Kakashi's chakra behind me for sometime now, despite him cloaking it well enough. The sun was going down over the Naka river, and the last thing I planned to do was have him on my back for the rest of the day. Having to go home to by beloved father was bad enough. Spending the majority of my day with Hatake was downright unbearable.

"Can you go away now, you stalker?" I called out into the open.

Sure enough, Kakashi jumped down from a nearby tree. "Not bad. You managed to pick up on my chakra."

"Because you suck at concealing it," I muttered, rolling my eyes for the millionth time that day.

"Also, I'm not stalking you," he explained, easily falling into stride beside me. "Your father asked me to see you home."

"My _father_ ," I seethed, "asked you to train with me. I don't need you stalking me every waking moment of every day."

"Why do you dislike me so much?" Kakashi asked as we crossed over the river's bridge.

It managed to stop me in my tracks. I raised an eyebrow. "Dislike you?" I repeated.

Kakashi gave me a weird, modest type of look, scratching at that even weirder silver hair of his. "Well, yes. Your feelings towards me are pretty much apparent."

"Apparently not."

"Huh?" He asked.

"I don't dislike you," I explained, glinting at him under the setting sun. "I hate you."

Kakashi seemed to contemplate it for a moment, then proceeded to step ahead of me. "Alright then, why do you hate me?"

"Because you're perfect," I blurted out, immediately wishing there was some way to suck them back into my mouth, and store them deep within the subconscious of my mind.

I guess it was enough to stop him mid-stride.

"Perfect?" Kakashi let out a dry laugh. "Aren't you assuming things? I don't recall having a proper conversation with you, unless you've been counting the times you've cursed at me."

"With all the times I've heard about you at home from my father, I don't need to have a proper conversation with you," I replied icily.

This earned me a quizzical glance from him. I ignored it, and continued across the bridge. "I don't want to talk about this anymore. Go away."

But of course he didn't go away. He fell into a silent step behind me, but at this point I was just grateful for the quiet. For the rest of the way home, I was busy cursing at my inner-self for not having enough discipline to keep my thoughts to myself. When we reached the doorstep to my house, I heaved a sigh of relief.

"You can leave now," I pointed out, kneeling to retrieve the house key I kept hidden under one of the garden stones. "Thanks for the supervised walk home. I can't imagine how I'd ever get here on my own."

Just at that moment, I heard the door creak open, simultaneously with "Reira, is that how you thank Kakashi-san for making sure you made it home safely?"

Could this day get any worse?

My father appeared in the doorway, dressed down in his house attire. Under the tangerine-tinged sky, his dark hair appeared peppery.

"He was just leaving, weren't you Hatake?" I asked dauntingly, urging him with my facial expression to leave.

He gave a cordial bow. "I was."

I silently thanked the universe for all things merciful, and made my way across the treshold.

I can finally get away from Scarecrow, and my father, and just relax into my own studies and-

"Oh, that's too bad. I wanted to thank you for seeing my daughter home. Would you like to stay for dinner, Kakashi-san?"

I whirled around, desperately trying to make eye contact with Kakashi. His eyes greeted mine with that same maddeningly cheery expression he had.

 _Don't you dare, Scarecrow!_ I mouthed, vehemently shaking my head. _You better not-_

"It would be rude of me to decline. I'll take you up on that offer. Thank you, Yukino-sensei."

I silently cursed the universe for all things twisted and unfair. Coincidentally, as if the universe was responding to my curses, my father's words replayed in my mind.

" _Those fleeting sentiments of yours will one day cause you to suffer."_

I had an ominous feeling that those days had already started.

And it was all because of that Scarecrow, Hatake Kakashi.

 _Fuck. You_. I mouthed venemously. It really started to feel like Kakashi got some sick kicks from intentionally provoking a reaction from me.

It really did.

And when my father turned his back to welcome him into our home, Kakashi responded to me with a wink.

Yeah, fuck him.

* * *

 _ **Author's note**_ _: Hey guys! Thanks to everyone that started following my story with the prologue I uploaded last week. To anyone new joining this story, welcome to Heart in Hand, a KakashixOC lovesick story. As the rating suggests, this is an M story. As a fair warning, there will be several more counts of adult language and themes throughout the storyline. So, thanks to all who have decided to invest their time into it! I really enjoyed writing this chapter, and I'm even more excited for the chapters to come. Next time, you'll see what goes down in the Yukino household during dinnertime and much more character development! Please feel free to let me know what you think with a review (they're greatly appreciated) and what you think of my girl, Reira._

 _Until next time,_

 _-Neko_


	3. Chapter 3

" _ **Clinging to one's opinion is the best proof of stupidity." – Michel de Montaigne**_

Dinner was awkward.

The three of us sat at the chabudai in the living room, after my father Hiroki had practically forced me to cook for the very uninvited guest we had over.

"Well, Reira," he said. "It looks like you put extra effort into this evening's dinner. Would it be perhaps because of-"

"No," I said hastily. "Stop thinking weird things."

"It looks good, Yukino-san," Kakashi chimed in. "Thank-"

"Itadakimasu," I interrupted, breaking apart the chopsticks and keeping my eyes extra focused on the food in front of me.

I admit I was a bit colder to Kakashi than usual, and downright rude to my father. But it's because I believed they both thoroughly deserved it. Kakashi for his annoying personality, and my father because of his obvious favor for him. If Kakashi thought anything of it though, he didn't openly say anything about it. Instead, he was quite the opposite-polite and more than willing to engage in conversation with my father. They talked about the Academy, the upcoming Anbu exams, and my father's hopes for his hopeless daughter.

The conversation didn't make me want to be any more sociable.

I ate with my eyes averted for the rest of the meal, sullenly listening to Hiroki praise Kakashi about everything under the moon, going as far as to include his looks.

"I've always wondered what you might be hiding under that mask of yours, Kakashi-san, it's such a waste to hide those features," my father laughed heartily. "I bet every girl in Konoha would be fawning over you!"

That silver-haired Scarecrow? I wanted to snort. Curiosity getting the better of me, I stole a glance in Kakashi's direction, and nearly choked on half-eaten rice.

"You see," Hiroki said, pleased. "I told you, Kakashi-san."

My could feel the heat rising in my face as Kakashi's bare lips curled into a smile. "Maybe that's why I keep it on?"

"I'm done," I said, standing up with every intention of leaving the house.

"Oh, come now. What kind of hostess are you?" My father said nicely enough, but his eyes gestured sternly. "Shouldn't you wait until your guest is finished with his meal?"

"I already cooked," I said coolly, regaining a normal color in my cheeks. "And the one who invited him in should be the one to play host. Please make sure to clear your guest's dishes."

"Reira!"

I disappeared from the living room, making a beeline for the front door. I needed to get out of this house. This was my limit for the day. I was grateful that my body was lightweight and my frame was slight. It had always aided me when I wanted to escape from my father. Now, it was helping me escape from Kakashi as well.

You could imagine how upset I was when I was caught by my shoulders in the doorway.

I let out a low curse as Kakashi's form materialized behind me. His hand was firmly locked on my shoulder.

"You really shouldn't talk to your elders like that," Kakashi said lowly, mask still hanging from his neck. He was close enough that I could see the small mark below his lips. "It's unbecoming of a shinobi."

"I don't recall asking for your opinion of my character," I said pointedly. "I'm leaving. Don't stop me from leaving my own home."

"Yukino-san, I-"

I felt his grip loosen ever so slightly, and I took the advantage. I raised my arm up, squeezing his hand against the side of my face. I gathered chakra to my free arm, and swiftly brought my elbow down in the crook of the arm he used to hold me in place. It gave me no small satisfaction when I made contact, and he fully released me, but I didn't stick around to catch a reaction. I made a run for it.

Before my feet could hit the sidewalk, I heard a popping sound behind me, and though I didn't bother slowing down, my joy was dismantled. I was accustomed enough to the sound to recognize the smooth ploy of a kage bunshin. I was irked by the faultless execution; I didn't even see him formulate the hand signs for the justu. Dumb, perfect idiot.

I bounded off into the distance of the village. It wasn't awfully late, but the sun had already found itself far behind the mountains, and the fluorescent lights above began to flicker on. I leapt over a few rails and made my way to the river. It was the only place I could think of to be, since even home was now a bother to be at.

The moon was beginning to peak out from above the treetops, it's silvery sheen illuminating the waters of the river. I almost felt like I was being mocked because the color reminded me of Scarecrow. Or maybe it was punishment, to be reminded of how I treated him just minutes before. Either way, I ignored it, smothering any lurking thoughts of guilt I may have had for being so rude. Consciences were to be eliminated to become a perfect shinobi, to become a flawless ANBU, so you guess you could say, I was, in a way, already becoming what my father had wanted. A wry smirk crept to my lips. How ironic that I was starting to think it was what I wanted as well.

I hoisted myself over the wooden platforms above the water, making my way over to the tree I usually came to study under. I laid down this time, just far away enough to see through the sparse canopy of leaves, watching as the dusty clouds passed above me. I let out a sigh, placing my arm over my forehead and closing my eyes.

So, maybe I shouldn't have been so hostile towards Kakashi. But I just couldn't help it. He was so gallingly perfect. Gifted, talented, precocious, yet honestly sincere. He was everything I wasn't. I was somber, snarky, almost dislikable. I scowled often, was easily irritated, and had almost no patience. Most of it, I could credit to my father, Hiroki. Growing up by his passively domineering hands had turned me into a mirrored reflection of his own inner-self. It was times like this that I thought of my mother, Naho. Yukino Naho. My memories of her were muddled by time and life, but I still wondered how differently things would be, how different I would be, if I was raised under her influence, and not Hiroki's.

Naho had been an excellent Sensor. She grew in the ranks amongst the Black Ops as a coveted member, essential to almost all infiltration and recovery missions. Her control over her own chakra as well as those around her had her placed in the frontlines several times in her career as a shinobi. Even after her marriage to Hiroki, and giving birth to me, she never failed to perform in her duties to the village. However, her one strength was the cause of her death. As a chakra sensor, roles were usually in lieu of defense. Naho's lack of offensive prowess in the frontlines had cost her life.

Hiroki didn't like Sensors. More so, he didn't like defensive combat. He believed it to be the work of the weak. He had pushed me for years for a strong offense, but I wasn't particularly good at it. Just as my mother had been, my skills naturally lied in sensory. I preferred to fallback from the frontlines, to watch and observe, and sense. It came easily enough when training my chakra that I was now able to pick-up on even Kakashi's concealed chakra signature.

So my eyes snapped open the moment I caught onto Kakashi's chakra approaching me, albeit it was intentionally hidden. I bolted upright to see him standing a foot away from me, mask back in place, his lone eye flicking in amusement at my disposition.

"Yukino-san, your father asked me to find you and tell you to go home," he said.

"So you do whatever my father tells you to now?" I asked coldly, pushing my hair back behind my ears. "We've never been associated before, so there's no need for us to be associated now. Just ignore him."

"But that would be a disservice to your father-"

"What happens between my father and I has absolutely nothing to do with you. Just because my father favors you doesn't mean that you have the right to insert yourself into my personal life. You don't understand anything, so stop butting in."

"Likewise," Kakashi said calmly. "You don't understand anything, either. Your hatred for me is childish and unfounded. I'm just doing what my teacher asked of me. I didn't mean to be intrusive, but you're being immature."

"You must forgive me," I said with frightening mockery. "I didn't mean to be childish. Hatred tends to do that to people."

Kakashi heaved a sigh, watching me with exasperation in his face.

"Why do you hate me so much, Yukino?"

"I already answered that question earlier. You're perfect, Scarecrow. And I happen to hate people that are perfect."

"So will you wind up hating yourself once you achieve that goal of yours to surpass me?"

I narrowed my eyes at him. "What are you talking about?"

"Your logic is flawed," Kakashi said, exhaling. "You hate perfection, yet you're hellbent on defeating me. If I'm so perfect, won't that mean you'll also reach perfection the moment you triumph over me?"

"No," I said simply. "It just means you won't be perfect anymore."

"That's a bit unfair to me. Such a baseless accusation," he said, shaking his head slightly. "I might be imperfect. You don't know anything about me, really."

"I hate you," I said as a matter-of-fact. "That's all I need to know, Hatake."

Something like a mixture of annoyance, anger, and melancholy quickly passed over Kakashi's usually amiable face. The expression was foreign, and lasted only for a moment, but I caught it. A feeling of guilt crept into my chest, but I remained unbearably the same. I would not, could not, give into him.

"You should go home, Yukino-san," Kakashi said finally. "Your supplemental lessons begin tomorrow at five o'clock sharp."

"I won't be going to those damned lessons," I said stonily. "You know you don't need my father's recommendation. You're just doing this to piss me off, so I'll just-"

"Hang out with Shiranui Genma?" Kakashi asked. "Why's it that you associate yourself with him? Is it for the sole purpose of upsetting your father?"

"That's none of your business, Hata-"

"Or is it something more?" He continued, staring at me in the moonlight. "Something exclusively for yourself?"

"My relationship with Gen is none of your business," I said stonily. "Or any other personal relationship I have."

"Personal relationship," Kakashi repeated in a slightly sardonic tone. "I wonder what that could imply."

"Shut up, Scarecrow. Playing dumb is an insult to my intelligence."

"Hmph." He gave a temporary smirk. "Well, I'll be expecting you tomorrow. I would say that I'm anxious to assess your skills, but I'm already well acquainted with them."

I lifted myself up from the ground. It was apparent I wasn't going to be allowed any more time to myself tonight, and I found it useless to stick around and be verbally assaulted by Kakashi's banter.

"I'm leaving," I answered. "Arguing with you is just a waste of time. And I already told you I'm not going to that."

"I beg to differ," Kakashi intoned smoothly. "If your father finds out that you skipped out on your training-"

"Are you threatening me?" I asked rigidly, glaring at him.

"Am I?"

I stared incredulously at Kakashi, who was staring back at me instigatingly.

"I wasn't aware you would resort to such petty measures."

"Maybe you don't know as much about me as you thought you did," he said quietly.

I tried to assess Hatake's temperament, but his face was insufferably impassive, partially hidden under his mask, partially hidden under his headband. He was that much more difficult to read in the increasing darkness of the night. In that moment, it felt like I lost to Kakashi yet again.

"Whatever," I said, resignigning myself. "I'll be there."

It seemed to pacify Kakashi, as his expression just as quickly returned to the normal Kakashi-like attitude I was used to.

"Five o' clock sharp, Yukino-san," he reminded. "At the Torii gates. Don't be late."

"Wouldn't dream of it" I replied sarcastically.

"You know, Yukino-san, despite the faults in your technical abilities, it should still make for an interesting time."

I turned away huffily, back in the direction of my house. I realized that in the end, Kakashi was able to make me return home, consent to his training, and feel at a loss of words all in the same night. I bit my tongue, unwilling to give him any extra leverage over me.

"Your flattery sucks," was all I could say. It really did.

* * *

"What do you mean, you're going to go train with Kakashi Hatake?!" Gen asked loudly as he followed me out of the academy's doors.

"Do you think I'm doing this for fun, Gen?" I said. "My Otou-san is forcing me to do this because he thinks I can't pass the Anbu exams on my own."

"That's bullshit," he said, toying with the straw in his mouth. "You don't any need help from that Hatake dude."

"Yeah, well go tell my father that," I said grumpily. "He seems to believe otherwise."

"Just skip out."

"Can't."

"Why not?" Gen asked, not hiding the anger in his question.

"What are you so angry about?"

We stopped then.

"I should be the angry one," I said. "You should feel sorry for me."

"Why can't you skip out, Reira?" Gen demanded again.

"I just told you-"

"Your father's orders never stopped you before. What's changed?"

Gen looked at me sideways, another expression I hadn't seen before settle into his eyes.

"What's gotten into you recently?" I asked, holding back the hints of annoyance I started to feel rise within. "Yesterday, and now this. I thought we already discussed that we need to take our futures more seriously."

He looked at me with suspiscious eyes. "And now all of a sudden Hatake is in your future?"

"If we're on the same Anbu team."

"Of course."

I rolled my eyes. "I don't know what's going on with you, but I need to go. I don't have time for this today."

"Of course you don't," Gen repeated.

"No, I don't. It's too..." I shook my head, walking away from him.

"Too what, Reira?" He called out irately, following closely behind. "Too bothersome? Too much trouble?"

I ignored him, but that only seemed to incite him. "So I'm right?"

"I am right, aren't I?"

"Reira-"

I couldn't deal with it any longer.

"Yes."

I ceased to hear his footsteps behind me. I turned my head to see him staring back at me with wide eyes. "Yes?"

"It's too annoying. You make it seem like I have no time for you anymore, but it's just that you have too much time. Didn't you tell me last month you decided to become a proctor? Do you think that it'll magically happen without studying?"

He looked obviously hurt, but I was at my wit's end and I still had to go to the stupid training with Kakashi.

"We can't play around forever, Gen. Don't you have anything better to do than nag me, like study? Because if that's all you're going to do, my father doesn't need any additional assistance. Nor do I need an extra dose coming from you."

Slowly, he turned away from me.

"You," he said lowly, balling his hands into fists at his side.

"What now?"

He spat out his straw. "You have an ugly look on your face."

I lamented audibly. "Gen-"

"Goodluck with your future, Reira," he said with finality. The glance he tossed me was devoid of any of the familiar warmth I was accustomed to. Had I gone too far?

"Hey, Gen-" I started apologetically, but he was already walking away.

"I just realized I have somewhere else to be. Goodbye."

Before I could say anything else, he leapt into a nearby tree and disappeared into the green masses of foliage.

"Just great," I said under my breath.

I knew I didn't have enough time to follow him, so I didn't. The feeling that I wouldn't be seeing Gen for a while slowly settled into my mind.

I started again for the Torii gates, but I still couldn't shake the sense that this would be the last time I saw him for a very long while.

I refused to feel guilty about it. Guilt was the mistress of conscience, and to be the best shinobi I could be meant eliminating both of those things.

Even if it meant losing my best friend in the long run.

* * *

The sun was at its peak in the sky, and I took shade under the looming shadows casted by one of the large, red structures. I guessed I'd been waiting for over half an hour, including the time that I arrived early in an effort to have this lesson done and over with.

 _If he was going to bail on me from the beginning, he could have at least told me_ , I thought gruffly. But at least it was him ditching me. If anything, the fault would be placed on him, and my father would stop praising him so highly. Just when I decided to leave, I caught a glimpse of silver in the distance.

Kakashi leisurely made his was over, simultaneously reading a red covered book.

"You're late, Scarecrow."

"Ah, I'm sorry about that," Kakashi said with little apology in his voice. "I was on my way over, and I realized a new book was being released today in a series I'm reading, and I guess I lost track of time."

I peered closer at the book cover's title. "Icha..Icha…Love?"

"Do you know the series, Yukino-san?" Kakashi asked innocently.

"Vaguely," I said, remembering a book with a similar title lying on my father's desk one time before. "It's about-"

I stopped short, recalling the summary description on the back. My face acquired a new shade of red.

"You mean to tell me," I said vehemently, stepping out of the shade and closer to Kakashi, "That you made me wait for over thirty minutes so that you could go pick up that perverted piece of trash?"

"One's trash is another's treasure-"

My annoyance got the better of my rationale. Chakra, which always flowed rather easily through my body, rushed to the tips of my fingers and I swept it out to Kakashi's face in one swift motion, cutting through his mask just enough to leave a tear in the fabric.

Kakashi did not move.

Instead, he clasped the book shut, before disappearing in a cloud of smoke. Right before I could make out the form of a substitute log, I felt his chakra spike behind me.

I spun around, opening the weapon holster secured at my leg, and dexterously spun a kunai around my finger before I gripped the handle and stabbed it forward, catching Kakashi by the shoulder. Again, it was replaced by another piece of wood.

Damn it. He was quick.

"Not bad," Kakashi's voice said, and I immediately cursed myself for not paying attention to the chakra signature. He was behind me once again, and his arms snaked around my waist, immobilizing my arms and holding me stiffly in place. "I always knew that you had a hard time managing both offense and defense from our spars, but your reactions are decent enough that you would be able to manage most basic attacks."

A copy of Kakashi appeared in front of me, and I struggled in vain against his iron-like grip. I could not move.

"Let go of me, you stupid Scarecrow," I said, thrashing fruitlessly against him. "We haven't even officially started yet!"

"Reira," the real Kakashi said behind me. He was so close, I could feel the warmth of his breath against the nape of my neck. I shivered helplessly at the sound of him calling me by my fist name.

I heard him give a small laugh. "We started the moment you attacked me."

"Cut it out, already!"

"Do you still think you know me?" he whispered chillingly, and the clone of Kakashi stepped forward. He slid an index finger up my throat, forcing me to stare at his visible eye. "I am nowhere near as perfect as you think I am."

I watched powerlessly as Kakashi's clone lifted up the sagging headband from his left eye. I sucked in a breath when I saw the elongated scar, but I couldn't look away. When he lifted his eyelid, I wanted to scream.

Terrifyingly brilliant swirls of red circled his entire iris. I couldn't understand what I was looking at, it wasn't making sense in my mind, as if everything I thought I knew was nothing compared to what I obviously didn't know.

"Uchiha…?" I managed to sputter.

"You know nothing about me, Reira," Kakashi whispered in my ear. "Nothing at all."

"I-" I gasped, but the clone's finger pushed down firmer on my thoat, preventing me from speaking at all.

Kakashi's clone smiled ominously at me with mismatched eyes, and I couldn't help but feel truly afraid.

"Let's truly begin now, shall we?"

* * *

 _ **Author's Note:**_ _Hey guys, welcome back, and welcome to any new followers of my story! Thanks for all the feedback from last week, I really appreciate the time you guys take to offer me reviews and whatnot. I hope you like reading this week's chapter as much as I did writing it. I wanted this chapter to focus more on the development between the two main characters, and shed a little light on Kakashi's feelings in the matter. I don't plan for this story to be a slow burner, but I do expect there to be more chapters in the story depending on how frequently I update. Anyhow, thanks for reading and I hope you enjoy!_

 _Until next time,_

 _-Neko_


	4. Chapter 4 Pt1

" _ **Despair is a narcotic. It lulls the mind into indifference." -Charlie Chaplin**_

A haze of touch, smell and sight.

It was unbearable.

All at once, my senses were attacked with a suffocating, blinding, burning sensation that I could not describe with words. Everything hurt, and I couldn't breathe, but I wasn't allowed the pleasure of death.

This was the power of the Sharingan.

Just when I thought that I wouldn't be able to stand it anymore, the shroud of miasma suddenly lifted and I was forced back to reality with a frightening clarity. I found myself on my knees, gasping for air and choking on it at the same time.

"Yukino-san," Kakashi said worriedly, dropping down to my level. "I'm so sorry."

He reached for my shoulder. "I didn't mean to-"

I slapped his hand away. "Do not touch me!" I croaked. "Do not touch me, you fucking Scarecrow!"

Kakashi let his hand fall slowly, his exposed eye returning to normal color. His expression was troubled, but I didn't give a damn. I'd never experienced something so menacing before. I was repulsed. I was scared.

"I'm so sorry," he repeated quietly. "I never meant to take it so far."

"How convenient for you," I spat venomously, hoisting myself to my feet. "Just get the hell away from me."

"But you were frustrating me," he sighed, returning his headband over his eye. "I truly didn't mean to hurt you like that."

"So this was all that was, huh? To teach me some sort of lesson because I pissed you off?"

"You don't know everything about me."

"What?"

"I told you that you didn't know me like you thought you did, Yukino-san."

"Yeah, you turned out to be way more messed up than I took you for."

"There you go again," Kakashi shook his head. "If you weren't so damned infuriating, maybe I wouldn't have lost my temper."

"Excuse me?" I seethed. "You're blaming me for this?"

"You are somewhat responsible, yes."

I quickly closed the space between us, hand aimed at Kakashi's face. He caught my wrist easily enough, and before I could raise my other hand, he pinned it behind my back by wrapping his arm around my waist. We wound up in a weird sort of embrace, and I realized I didn't have the energy to fight against him anymore.

"Fine."

"Fine?" Kakashi asked with a hint of hopefulness to his voice.

I nodded jerkily, not bothering to break out of his grasp. "You may be right, but that doesn't make me hate you any less, Kakashi."

He slowly exhaled.

"I don't hate you though, Reira."

"Well, it would be easier if you did," I said tersely.

"And why's that?"

"Because it would be easier for me to hate you."

Suddenly, Kakashi pulled me closer. His hands tightened around my wrists, and our hips were lightly pressing against each other.

"What if I don't want to hate you?" he asked softly, visible eye intently staring into mine.

I wanted to say something, tell him that I'd hate him no matter what, tell him to go to hell, or demand he let me go, anything, but I couldn't help but feel he was being genuine. Once again, remorse found its way back in my chest. Why did he have the power to make me feel guilty all the time?

"What am I supposed to do with that?" I asked defeatedly.

Just then, Kakashi's eye widened marginally, and he released my arms. My body wilted slightly from exhaustion, and he grabbed hold of my hips again. I imagined how pathetic I looked and let out a dark laugh.

"Hey Scarecrow, why do you keep holding onto me?"

"Should I let you fall then?"

"Yeah. You should."

"Yukino-san, I-"

"Lesson learned. I lose, Scarecrow."

His eyebrows creased inwardly, and I knew that under that mask and behind his headband, he was looking at me with pity.

I shook my head, feeling a mixture of disgust and fatigue overcome me. I wanted to peel back my skin, disjoint my bones, and leave my body. I couldn't stand this. I didn't want to stand it. This urge to concede, give up, and admit that I was an idiot. To admit that I wasn't strong at all, second to Kakashi and the first loser in my father's eyes. Why did he have everything that I did not?

"I'm just going to go home now," I said finally, turning on my heel. A wave of vertigo hit me, and I slightly swayed again.

"Let me help you, Yukino-san," Kakashi started, grabbing hold of my arm.

"You've done enough for today, don't you think?" I asked, wobbling away from him. "I don't need-"

I felt my legs disappear from under me, and suddenly I was staring up at the dusky sunset. Kakashi had lifted me and was holding me threshold-style.

"This is the least I could do," Kakashi said with a heave. "Whether you like it or not."

"I think you have a really screwed up hero complex, Hatake," I said dryly. I didn't argue with him to let me down. There wasn't any point anymore. "You subject your victim to harm, before swooping in and saving them from yourself."

"I think you might be right," Kakashi said dispassionately. "I'm sorry that I subjected you to my fucked-up complex."

"It sounds weird when you swear."

"Only because you think of me as a perfect, flawless subhuman."

"I never said you were a subhuman, Scarecrow."

"You implied it several times."

"Probably," I exhaled, leaning back into the crook of Kakashi's elbow as he carried me through the trees.

"Aren't you going to ask about my Sharingan?" Kakashi asked suddenly, glancing down curiously at me.

"What? Want me to stroke your ego some more?"

"Well, I just put you through a terrible genjutsu," Kakashi mused aloud. "Any normal person would've fled the moment they were released from it. Yet, here you are, in my arms, as I carry you back home. I'm curious as to why you're not interested."

"Just because you have some fancy power doesn't mean anything to me. I'm familiar with the Sharingan. If anything, you're just a copycat."

"Pardon me?"

"Sharingan allows the user to mimic the abilities of their opponents, right? Aside from psychological warfare, you're just copying the other party, Hatake."

"I'm debating whether or not to drop you right now, Yukino-San," Kakashi said lightly.

"Your complex won't allow you to do that," I replied flatly. "The fact that I'm in your arms should be enough."

"I dunno, Reira. With my insatiable ego, it might not be."

"Sharingan or not," I retorted. "You're still Hatake Kakashi. Your power doesn't define you. You define your power."

He stopped, eyeing me. "Were you being nice to me just then?"

"I was being factual."

"I'm taking it as a compliment."

"Whatever." I rolled my eyes. "Copycat."

"You know, I've become quite fond of Scarecrow," Kakashi said. "I don't think I like the term Copycat."

"There's a lot of things I don't like, Hatake. Like being carried as if I'm some sort of damsel, but here I am."

"Here we are," Kakashi agreed.

I huffed. "Just take me back home. Dumb Scarecrow. Copycat Scarecrow."

That signature smirk graced his lips under his mask. I had a strange sensation tug at the corners of my lips, and I realized I might inherently be laughing as well. I quickly adjusted my face, forcing a deep scowl across my forehead. Just the thought of me smiling at Hatake upset me.

But somehow, I didn't feel angry towards him. I felt angry towards myself.

Angry for getting my ass handed to me.

Angry for still not being strong enough.

And I was angriest that in this moment, I really didn't feel like caring about any of it.

The feeling of not caring; It was a new concept to me. As I let myself be carried by Kakashi, I wondered if this weightlessness, and the utter lack of effort was somehow encouraging it. I was tired, but not tired enough not to walk on my own. But the sensation of weightlessness felt oddly comforting, and I had no inclination in this moment to give it up.

I really didn't know how I'd ever be able to recover my pride after this, but protecting my ego was farthest from my mind. An even more foreign feeling creeping from my stomach to my chest foretold a change that was about to come. It was a change that I wasn't prepared for, yet it came regardless.

It felt like the beginning of the end.

* * *

 **Author's Note:** _Hi, guys! I'm terribly sorry for the long update, and I'm even sorrier for the shortness of this chapter. I didn't want to leave the story hanging any longer, but this was all I managed in a few hours' time. Please think of this as chapter 4, part 1! I will be updated part 2 this weekend! My husband and I had to move, and in between life, work, and Mystic Messenger (this game ruined my life T_T) I've been so busy and have neglected my hobbies! Now that things have settled down some, I plan to definitely continue this story consistently to the end, as well as possible start working on a new Fanfic for Mystic Messenger (I have too many feels to not write it out lol) Thanks to everyone who has enjoyed this story so far, and I hope I can exceed your expectations with Heart in Hand. Please feel free to leave a review with any opinions and whatnot. I enjoy them all! Again, thank you so much!_

 _Until next time,_

 _Neko_


	5. Chapter 4 Pt2

" _ **Despair is a narcotic. It lulls the mind into indifference." -Charlie Chaplin**_

Ch.4/Pt.2

2 Weeks Later

I sensed him before he made his presence known.

"Will you stop coming through my window?" I asked, pulling my hair back into a high ponytail. "Someone might see you."

Kakashi laughed, leaning against the sill from the inside of my room.

"You mean like that old lady staring up at me right now?"

I rolled my eyes, having got used to his childish tendencies. It had been two weeks since that last incident occurred, and from then on, Hatake had actually taken my training to heart.

Aside from his typical attitude, it wasn't nearly as terrible as I imagined it would be. In fact, I learned quite a bit. Although I'd never admit it aloud, I was grateful for the time I had with him. I was able to hone in on my sensor skills, and become fairly handy with the Katana. In this time, I realized that Kakashi was a brilliant shinobi. I understood little by little how much we truly differed, and why he was the elite, and I the second-handed student.

Of course, I wasn't the least bit happy about it. But nonetheless, I tried my hardest to swallow my words on several occasions. "If you don't gain control of that sharp tongue of yours, it'll wind up being the death of you, Yukino-san," Kakashi had said to me one hot afternoon. He managed to get me to exhaust my chakra quickly, and I berated him with a slur of more than vulgar words. To make his point stick, he tied me to a tree and left me there in the sweltering heat until night came. Incidentally, he wouldn't untie me until I said "please". He rather enjoyed putting me in situations, and then coming to my aid afterwards. That was the epitome of Hatake's reverse hero-complex.

Still, despite his annoying antics, I became far more confident in my abilities than I had been previously, and more confident that I would be able to pass the ANBU exams with little difficulties. And it was all thanks to the idiot standing in my window.

"And what brings you to my home today, Scarecrow? Don't you have some preparations of your own?" I asked, fastening a kunai holster to my leg.

"I'm as prepared as I'll ever be, Yukino-san," Kakashi replied, making his way to my bed and casually sitting down. "Just consider me a good-luck charm today. I came to walk you to your evaluation."

I glanced at him in the reflection of the mirror set up on the wall opposite to the bed. "Are you really so arrogant about your ranking that you're not going to bring anything in advance?"

He shrugged, seeming uninterested in the question. He picked up my katana sheath, and made his way behind me. He met my eyes in the reflection of us before circling his arms around my chest.

"Hey, cut it-"

"I already told you, I'm as prepared as I can be in this very moment," Kakashi said, fastening the strap of the holster to my back. His reflection's gaze didn't leave mine. I felt his fingers slightly brush against the small of my back as he finished adjusting the katana in place. The touch sent an involuntary shiver down my spine, and it did not go unnoticed by Kakashi.

"Nervous?" he asked with a hint of smugness to his tone.

I flushed, looking away from the mirror. "Why would I be nervous? Being around you so often has basically made me immune to your presence."

I went to grab my headband off the nightstand, but Hatake beat me to it.

"I was talking about your exams today," he said cheerfully, grinning underneath his mask. "But it appears Yukino-san was thinking about me instead."

"Just give me my headband, Kakashi." I stuck my hand out impatiently, deliberately ignoring his comment. "I want to get there early."

"Your wish is my command, Reira."

But of course, he couldn't just give it to me. He gestured to the bed, and with a sigh, I plopped down in front of him. He had been doing insensible things like this ever since that incident with his Sharingan. At first, I fervidly rejected all sudden actions, still quite irritated with him and all that was Scarecrow. But I quickly came to the understanding that resisting just pushed the teasing and provoking farther. It was much easier to just give in and get it over with. The quicker I complied, the quicker we were able to start training again.

What I could not seem to understand is that somewhere in these two weeks, I became hypersensitive to Kakashi's presence. To say that I was immune was more of a blanketing concept. In specific, I no longer resented him with an undying passion. I didn't have the energy in me to do so. I still carried my desire to come out as number one, but I realized I really liked the feeling of 'not caring.' Instead, I found myself being able to identify his chakra even when I wasn't trying to. On days that we didn't have training, I'd be walking in town and sense him. I never saw him, but I felt him nearby, always. And I was secretly curious about him. There were times where I wandered about his past, but I was only met with polite indifference when I vaguely mentioned them. Kakashi also never used his Sharingan on me again after that day.

I'd grown accustomed to the way he annoyed me. And I felt he had grown accustomed to annoying me. That was the dynamic of us at this moment. It was comfortable.

"And, you're all done," Kakashi said lightly, tying the headband around my forehead with a final tug.

"My shoes are downstairs. Meet me outside." I started down the stairs. "I can only imagine what my father would say if he saw us together outside of training."

Kakashi followed right behind me. "I think he'd be rather pleased?"

"That's exactly what I mean."

"Well, I'm rather likeable."

"Shut up, Scarecrow."

"Admit it, Yukino-san. You don't hate me like you used to."

I hurriedly slipped my feet into my sandals at the bottom of the staircase. I didn't want to answer him about this. Hatake was still standing behind me, and I could feel him staring at me. The thought unnerved me. It made my face turn an unappealing shade of red. It made me want him to stop looking at me.

"Let's go." I said, avoiding turning around. "I'm ready."

"Yukino-san."

I crossed the threshold when he grabbed ahold of my shoulder. "Yukino-san." He repeated, all previous hints of playfulness gone.

"Why do you switch back and forth between calling me Yukino and Reira?" I randomly blurted. "Just call me Reira. We're the same age and not strangers anymore."

That seemed to catch him off guard. "Really?"

"Fine by me," I nodded quickly, easing my way out of his grasp. "Let's go."

"Reira, wait, there's something I need to tell you. It's about-"

He was interrupted by three curt knocks at the door.

I didn't notice the presence of an additional chakra signature because of Kakashi, but I immediately focused my attention to behind the door. I wasn't quick enough. By the time I realized who it was, Kakashi was already turning the knob. "Scarecrow, don't-"

I closed my mouth when Gen came into view. He was holding a small bouquet of daisies and daffodils, a pink tinge painting his cheeks. When he caught sight of Kakashi and then me, his reaction was a mixture of disbelief and confusion.

"Shiranui-san?" Kakashi said.

"Don't address my visitors," I said plainly. I was kinda of surprised to see Gen. "Hey, what're you doing here?"

His chocolate irises assessed me and then Kakashi. "What are you doing here, Hatake?"

I sighed. "Don't address my visitors. I didn't expect you to come here, Gen."

"Yeah, obviously," Gen responded, eyes leering at Kakashi. "I wanted to apologize for last time, and wish you luck on your exams today." He waved the floral bouquet in a defeated fashion. "Guess I wasn't the only one."

I stared at Gen, Gen stared at Kakashi, and Kakashi stared at the flowers. It became tense in a matter of seconds. It wasn't me that broke the short-lived silence, either.

"Ah, Shiranui-san. How thoughtful of you," Kakashi stated amiably. "Are those for Reira?"

Gen twirled his twine. "Since when do you call her Reira?"

"Oh?" Kakashi said, his voice nauseatingly nice. "Since just now. How nice of you to think of Reira on her big day. I was just here to accompany her. Since we'll be seeing each other much more often when she passes, I figured it would be best to continue supporting her past her training."

I let his words sink in, along with the knots forming in my stomach.

Gen looked angrier than the last time I remember seeing him. When he spat out his twine, I interjected.

"Gen, thanks for thinking about me. I'm glad to know you were trying to get back to better terms. I really appreciate it."

"Yeah. Well, there's no need for me to be here any longer. Here." Gen harshly shoved the flowers in my arms and simultaneously turned on his heel. "Goodluck."

"Wait-"

"I'll make sure she puts them in water. It was nice seeing you, Shiranui-san," Kakashi called out, abruptly closing the door and effectively leaving me gaping at him.

"You did that on purpose, you stupid Scarecrow!" I bellowed, anger forming over astonishment. "He was trying to apologize, and you pull that stupid shit-"

"It was necessary," Kakashi calmly replied. "You won't have time for him if you're initiated into the Black Ops. He'll only drag you down. It'll be easier for him to get over you if he thinks you're already indifferent towards him."

"But-"

"This is what you wanted, right? To be a part of ANBU?"

I glared at his relaxed expression. The scent of freshly picked flowers wafted between us, and I couldn't help but say what I was thinking in that moment. "He's my best friend. Even if I don't see him frequently, or even at all, I wouldn't have said what you did."

"Do you care for him…intimately?"

"Oh my Kami, Kakashi. What does that have to do with it? He's been my friend since-"

"He loves you," Kakashi said, quieter. "As a woman, not a friend."

I stood still, flowers still pressed into my arms. "Wha-"

"Don't be so naïve. It's not a good quality to have as an ANBU," he said, continuing. "I'm sure you had a feeling somewhere deep down."

Subconsciously, I recalled the time in the library, when Gen was clutching my face. When Gen was inching closer…

"Shit."

I slowly placed the bouquet down on the entryway table, staring at it with a newfound realization. Gen loves me? "No way…" I whispered my thoughts aloud. "No way."

"Reira." Kakashi stepped in front of me. "Consider this my final lesson to you. From here on, the things you'll learn will be on your own accord." I don't remember ever seeing him as serious as I did now. This was a Kakashi I was not familiar with.

His face was inexpressive, visible eye glinting with a foreign emotion I couldn't recognize. "ANBU live for the village. While they may have a sense of friendship to their fellow ANBU comrades, it's fleeting. You don't know whether you or them will come back alive from the next mission you receive. So intimate relationships, and things of the sort, are almost impossible. It usually only ends in turmoil on both ends."

I stared at him, in utter shock. His face still held that same unknown emotion. I hadn't heard Kakashi speak like this before. It sounded like he was giving me firsthand advice.

"How do you know so much about it?"

He briefly stared at me, onyx eyes meeting my cobalt blues, and for just a second, I thought I saw something like sorrow pass through him. I felt like I'd seen the same sad countenance in him before, at random times, but I was more sure than anything it wasn't anything close to the happy-go-lucky attitude I was accustomed to.

He didn't answer my question anyhow. He glanced up at the clock on the wall. "I don't think it's wise to try and make amends with him right now. You need to be at the ANBU headquarters in 30 minutes. But, the choice is yours."

I knew it before I had time to think about it. This was what I wanted, what I worked so hard for. I went over this with Gen time and time again. He'd understand, eventually. And If he didn't, then there was nothing I could do about it. I had a goal I needed to surpass, and he was standing right in front of me.

"Let's go, Kakashi."

He nodded, and we exited my home together.

Along the way, I stole sideways glances at Kakashi. We walked close enough that our arms would bump occasionally, but neither of us moved away. His face was blank and muddled at the same time. Bouts of something dark would flit across his face before he realized it, and then would quickly adjust his face again to the same meaningless stare. Neither of us said anything either, but the entire time, my mind was on the very last thing he said to me, and I was sure whatever caused him to say that to me was on his mind too.

 _You don't know whether you or them will come back alive from the next mission you receive. So intimate relationships, and things of the sort, are almost impossible. It usually only ends in turmoil on both ends._

Now, watching Kakashi reveal sides to him I never saw before, I wanted to ask:

 _What about you?_

* * *

 _ **Author's Note**_ _: And this is Part 2 to Chapter 4! Sorry I had to release it in separate parts, but now that I'm back on track, I should be updating to my usual once a week. Anyhow, let me know what you think so far in the review section! Next chapter will be about ANBU. Kakashi will now slowly start to unravel. Not even that mask will be able to hide the things he so carefully tried to. How will Reira handle it? Will she even try to handle it, or will she disregard him altogether? Find out in Chapter 5~_

 _Until next time,_

 _-Neko_


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